The pendulum of pride and self-loathing

For some of us the pendulum swings from pride to self-loathing, making it hard to know whether we love or hate ourselves. When we accomplish something, we are happy with ourselves. But when others criticize or judge us, we also self-berate, or what is known in Logic Based Therapy as “self-damnation.” Sometimes this self-hating can even come without any apparent instigation. We just can’t help but fault-find within. This can be tied up with the ego, the lower, immature part of us that thinks it is the centre of the universe. When walking the path to transformation, transcending the ego is central. On this path pride is seen as an enemy for it arises out of an over-glorification of the ego. The noble soul, on the other hand, is humble. But when one is centred in their ego but aiming at humility, this objective itself can lead to self-loathing. If I’m trying to overcome pride, I might think I need to tear down the self through disapproval of it. But the transformational path is one of love, not hate. Just as excessive pride is the sign of an enlarged ego, self-loathing is too, especially when it is the result of feeling hurt by others. This hurt also arises out of excessive ego. So, to still this pendulum, we need to diminish the grip the ego has on us, and this is done out of self-love, not loathing.